something

since along has back to city. i mean since she move on with her family, aryan n sara here from singapore. i realize that i lose something in life, but i am rewarded with a lot of things. yes, since they are here, i lose a part when i use to hang around with boyfriend so much and even with friends. doesnt mean that i lose it all, but now i got the limits. i just dont understand. its not that along is so strict coz i'm the one who determine it. to choose whether to stay at home or hostel and to choose whether to go out or not. and i choose home and not to go out so frequent. and when at home, i think its my responsibility to take a good care of them, aryan and sara. to monitor the bibik as well. as though, things happen yesterday as i saw bibik was doing something to sara. God knows how it feels. i cant trust her anymore. i cant barely feels like leaving home with sara and her at home alone. beratnya rasa tu. yeah since along start working now. the children just left with bibik and me. and thank God bro in law working at home, but he still cant take his eyes on the children as he has to work and deal with client and lots of meetings. ok, weird huh. meeting semua through phone and internet. just me and the children. i cant even imagine when my semester begin. how about the two of them. sedih sgt tgk bibik push sara macam yesterday. and i really2 shock and yell at her, 'mia, kamu buat ape tu?!!' and dengan berlakonnya, dia cakap, '(sambil ketawa) geram sara ni comel'. kepala hotak kau. aku nampak kau penyek pipi dia sambil dia isap puting. agak2 la. sambil henjut buaian kuat2 tekan atas perut die. kesian sara.. she's just 3 months. how could she understand. i cant take care of both since i have to look for aryan. hm.. dah bagitau along pasal ni.. she said she will seat back and talk to bibik. dia ingat dia boleh pijak kpale kite. kau dah untung sgt dapat majikan mcm kitrg ni. sumpah sgt marah.

and that's it. the huge responsibility that i hold. tengok the children membesar. kadang2 marah juga kat aryan sebab dia tak denga. xleh duduk diam. he's so hyper. but i guess he still dont understand. marah pon x guna. later he will understand. ah serba sedikit i feel the feeling of a mother in raising their children. mmg penat, kecewa kalau tgk anak kita x boleh denga cakap. betul. i can really feel it coz they seems like my own children. i really2 love them. because of them, we use to get into fights, i mean me and amir. that was so sad :( i really hope he understand, but i cant ask for that. coz that's what he not suppose to get from me. i feel sorry but i can't fulfill all. for now, i feel so frustrated for everything. i have everything, but i'm losing something huge apart from myself
:(